I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
