yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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