Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
