You're my little dorito
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
