1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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