I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
