Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
