and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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