I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
