then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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