The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
