girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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