they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
