you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
