jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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