pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I supernannyed him into submission
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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