"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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