I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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