I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
