all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Houston, we have a blender
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
