I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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