WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
