The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
