I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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