How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
