OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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