Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
