At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
