four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
