I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
