Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
