he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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