The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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