True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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