This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
