can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
