Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
