i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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