I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There's even glitter on my cock...
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