Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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