Yo dont text me then not text me
my sisters under your porch take her home
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
