I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
