Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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