I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
