So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
