Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
