like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
