Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
