you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
