Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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