i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
