She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
