I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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