if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
