Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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