I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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