I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
