woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
