the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
