You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
